How to process the pain
Clean pain is pain felt from difficult circumstances in life, it hurts deeply and profoundly, but it relates to things as they actually happening— the facts of the situation and the reality event.
Dirty pain, is taking difficulty from life and blaming yourself or others for it, arguing with reality, should-ing all over it, or just generally thinking “things should be different and how things are is wrong.”
How do you clean up your Dirty Pain?
1. Stop resisting the pain. We create more pain for ourselves when we don’t slow down and process the emotions. When we resist sadness, grief, anger it can grow into anxiety and depression.
2. Connection – Find a friend, therapist or coach that you can have a safe, non-judgmental place to process all your emotions. Having a space to just say your thoughts out loud – gives you awareness of what is happening in your brain.
3. Accept Reality – Become aware of how you are actually thinking and telling yourself about your child being LGBTQ. Are you conscious of your thoughts about the circumstance?
4. Compassion. When I stopped telling myself to stop feeling a certain way is when I begun to heal. I let myself feel grief when I needed to. I stopped judging myself for what emotions I was feeling. I started talking to myself like my best friend and this gave me a place to heal.
5. Question Your Thoughts– I started to question my thoughts. Some of my thoughts about myself and others actions/words were not useful or even true. I noticed that once I started questioning my judgement of myself it became easier to drop judgement for others.
6. Humans are a Hot Mess!- Remember we are ALL humans - and humans are messy. When people said things that felt hurtful for myself or child I try to process my hurt and then go to them with curiosity not judgement . Some of these conversations were life changing for them by helping them see a different perspective. They were always life changing for myself because my love for others increased because I gained great understanding about that individual- and understanding leads to love.You either love someone or you don't understand them.
f you are looking to learn the tools and to get the coaching that will help your LGBTQ family thrive while gaining access to other families on this journey than the Lifted Together Community is the place for you. For details on how to join go to www.liftandlove.org/community
For additional support and help please reach out to us on our IG accounts Jenie Hunter Coaching